Marriage

There is a blog post going around titled "Marriage Isn't For You". This blog post bothers me a little bit. Before I get into the reasons why it bothers me, let me tell you about our story.

Before I met Cory, I was scared of commitment. There was a guy who would drag me through crap, and I was hung up on him for years. He put me through the longest roller coaster ride of my life. It was very unhealthy, but I was not confident enough in myself to voice my opinions. My self esteem was so low, I didn't even know that it was unhealthy until my relationship with Cory started.

I tried to have a relationship while a junior in high school, and it failed. It lasted only two weeks. I ended it. I never felt like I could be express myself without being rejected. I was so scared that if I disagreed or stated an opinion that was not the same as his, he would dump me, so I ended it before he could. I forced myself to stop having feelings for him. Again, not healthy.

I met Cory after I graduated high school. I knew I had to learn how to be in a relationship. Cory told me he liked me two days after we met. I can not even begin to express how scared I was. The though of putting myself out there emotionally and being so vulnerable paralyzed me. The first few weeks of our relationship, I hardly spoke at all. I never told him my feelings toward him. When he would ask me what I was the eat for dinner, I couldn't even say I wanted Mexican or Chinese. Even if he said "Would you like Mexican or Sea Food?" It was driving him crazy. He had to teach me how to stand up for myself. He is still teaching me.

Our relationship became serious and we started talking about marriage. This was not something to take lightly. Yes, I loved him. I knew that marrying him would make him happy, and I wanted that more than anything. But I also knew that if I married him, this would not be just another step in our relationship, I would be in this for the long haul. I needed to make sure that this marriage was right for me. I needed to make sure that Cory would treat me right. I have relatives that have been in abusive relationships and marriages. I have friends who their husbands did not respect them as a daughter of God. I wanted to make sure that my marriage was not going to be like that.

So, I prayed. I knelt down and prayed aloud. I expressed my love for Cory, and my concerns. I asked if Cory would be a man that would treat me the way the Lord would want him to treat me. I received the most tangible answer.

We are about to celebrate our 4th year anniversary, and we are still madly in love. But one thing that I love about our marriage is that we allow each other to be selfish. I encourage Cory to state his opinion even if he disagrees with me, or if what he has to say will hurt my feelings. I know it's out of love. He encourages me to do the same. If I don't like something Cory did or said, I tell him. He does the same to me.

The blog said kept saying that you don't get married for yourself. That marriage is not about you. I want to change that by saying: You don't get married ONLY for yourself. Marriage is not ONLY about you. But you have a right to make it about yourself sometimes. You need to be happy in a marriage. If you are not happy in your marriage, tell your spouse. Come up with a solution that helps both of you.

Yes, there are many, many times in a marriage that you have to be selfless. You need to be understanding, forgiving, caring, etc. But you can expect those things for yourself as well.

I hope this made sense. I am not very eloquent. I absolutely love my husband. He is the most amazing man for me.

Stay tuned.